‘You’re too quiet.’ This comment have been plagued to me since two days ago. If only it were that simple, I thought. There was only one person behind it; HIM. After crying all those sleepless nights because once again I felt I wasn’t good enough.

I used to go the next day determined to be really lively and talkative. But early this morning, this words were told by my parents and that I needed to come out of my shell, to be livelier and to talk more. Today should be the most exciting day of their lives. We are flying to Manila soon, and feels like the world was waiting for me, to be the extrovert person they want me to be now. But how?

I became even more self-consious as I was constantly aware someone is waiting for me to speak. I thought I’d found a solution. Coffee. I know it’s bad for me and it would make me feel worst than ever. I can hardly breathe, couldn’t sleep and even became more and more reserved. I wondered what exactly I was hoping to achieve anyway? Sometimes I just tried faking it. I knew this would just make me want to crawl back into my shell and everyone could see I was being false.

I remember when I was drunk, everyone seemed to like me. I was fun and outgoing; able to talk to anyone with no problems at all. However, it began to depress me thinking that the love of my life will not be here with me. How I wish he could see my parents and fulfill my plans. Apparently that wasn’t going to happen. It started to hurt more and more deeply while the plane takes off, my heart beat fast that its hard for me to breathe. That I needed to drink something just to fit in and even adopt the aspects of what I am feeling now. Then I saw my papa’s smile and my mama’s happiness. Those remarks allowed me to realize that being a naturally loud person was the one I used to be. Or maybe not. Then I got tired after all that interaction, so later I need some quiet time to recharge my batteries.

Over the years, I’ve spoken to several talkative, extroverted people and I have been told I am too loud especially when I write a blog. And you know what? I think I’m just doing alright. No, I don’t understand why I can’t just be like that with everyone, but I’m not going to beat myself up about it. The time alone taught me to just enjoy with my parents company and to give them the chance to learn more about me. So today, despite how horrible I am feeling, I will be doing my best to make them happy. That’s all I can do. There’s always a reason why I was made the way I am now. Then i’ll rely myself in destiny.