“I almost married a millionaire man. I’ve realised that it’s not about how much money you have but the little things you make for yourself. It taught me how my independence as a woman gave more value to my dedicated life.”

Long after finishing a degree and some trainings, I decided to start a stable job in Manila. When I went through a successive string of failed applications, an aunt convinced me to work with her in television show business enterprise and paid me roll of thousand cash. There I met my Filipino model boyfriend lived-in for months, the last one that depressed me from choosing a sugar mama over me. I stopped working, emptied my savings, lost 12 pounds of dead weight and would wake up late with pounding headache and shoes still on from every night’s substance abuse. I started blowing off some steam which made my dependence and powerlessness numb from knocking out an old woman and dropping off a boyfriend who almost killed and ruined my life. I was left in the big influential city both emotionally broken and financially drained. I had fled back to my hometown, helped the family business, but mostly just wanted to have more time to understand myself, to love myself and just to be with myself. I was trying to revel in my newfound freedom and started to feel that life is good.

One day I saw an article i’d read about on the internet. It’s a dating site for filipinas and foreigners all over the world. Hey, if I can’t find a good Filipino then maybe i’ll try to look for a foreign man. In my spare time, I made friends with the common ones and encountered some total creeps. With hundreds of private messages from different guys, a profile with no picture 60’s old dude poked me an interest. According to my profile, he was out of my preferred age range from 26-40. He told me that he liked what he saw and was excused for having an empty profile image. He said he’d like to share but through a private e-mail. We chatted there and his messages were refreshingly normal. He was just looking for someone without a lot of emotional baggage and can spend more time to be his arm candy while in Cebu. He then asked me if I’d be interested to meet. Seriously? Being with a guy old enough to be my daddy seemed to be like a terrifying prospect since it would also be my first time. But he offered to cover up all my expenses to fly to Cebu and that I have nnothing to worry about. He sent me his pictures and all details so I could clearly see that he wasn’t a murderer (his words, not mine). Everything was set-up. Would I still deny him the privilege?

At Mactan-Cebu Airport where we met, I wore jeans and black jacket with a cap and big backpack that probably made me look like a gangster. I was 21 when I met this man 40 years my elder (let’s call him Tom). He had a snow white hair but was very fit, a warm smile showing teeth the colour of shiny new piano keys and was relaxed to present self by the time our entrees arrived. He then took me out to a very fancy restaurant where each table setting had no less than three forks. He was very polite when he asked for drinks and when we got the wrong dish, he reacted in a calm and friendly way. He also commented on my young impeccable fine dining manners. That was to eat all my food because many people are starving out there (Wow! I was amazed by this). He even taught me the proper way of holding a glass of wine, does it really matter? Yes, and I was confident to handle it with my charming self. We talked for hours and laughed like we’ve already known each other for so long. He was so intriguing, incredibly intelligent and respectful, all of which that drew me in. Everytime he discussed something, I figured that he was not just an ordinary man. Tom was long divorced with two daughters who’ve been married and about slightly older than my age. He was an American diplomat based in China, a former lawyer with an intellectual family, an investor and CEO of technology and insurance company. But the best thing I liked more about him was his genuine interest in what I had to say, which was more than I could say for many guys my own age. 

We finished and downed each other a bottle of wine, we named it. We went back to his hotel and spent the night. At that time of tumult and precariousness, I found his place dark but comforting. For all those decades of experiences bedding women, Tom already had a low sex drive, giving him a hard time which buttons to push. What we did with the lights off (thank God) was just hugging and cuddling. He made me feel safe by his soft gentle touch while his lack of constant sexual availability was one of the few things I felt I had to hold on to.

The next morning I woke up he surprised me a box of completely new iphone. He noticed my cheap china phone and told me I don’t deserve it, and that I am worth a million dollars. I didn’t asked for something but he sent me to cloud nine. He then dragged me to a quaintly boutique filled with designer clothes, expensive bags and boots. There he picked up the tab for me — from pricey footwears and even to the most drop-dead gorgeous vintage and estate pieces. Tom was more on quality than quantity. He was the kind that would never ever leave the room with a little crumple on his suit or little dirt on a white polo. He would never go out without a leather shoes on, even if it’s just a distance. His stuffs were filled with good brands from head to toe. With him, I also ended the poverty thinking. I dressed better, had a dyed highlighted hair, gel polished nails and a bold red lips announcing goodbyes to my old self. When it comes to money I had no problem with Tom. He would just leave it under the wooden table for my shoppings, salon and any other extravagances. Besides that, I really liked the guy. He taught me many lessons about wealth and most of the experiences I had with him was first time. I learnt how to drive a car, to ice skate and to scuba dive. We played golf, went ballroom dancing, perused some art works, wandered to different tourist spot places and left no beach untouched of my sexy body in bikini. My ways had changed and Tom become the mentor of my life.

A month filled with happy moments, jetted just to relax and eat at the best restaurants that we could find, Tom asked if I could get a visa to fly with him to Shanghai. At that time I wasn’t bounded with the idea and just liked to stay in the country. Before he left he’d took me for condo hunting. I picked out a gorgeous loft with floor-to-ceiling windows showing the amazing view of the pool and the beach at the town of Mactan. We filled it with plush furnitures, a massive flat screen karaoke television and some various custom-framed art of myself. Tom promised if I get my driver’s license he will buy me a car when he came back. Too bad I was still waiting for it to come through. I couldn’t also believe why I couldn’t have my own credit card account. So Tom left his card on me but that’s just for shoppings and groceries. Other than that he sent $500 per week which was more than of a monthly income that i’ve ever had in my life. It spoiled my ass off. I partied all night, gambled each day, treated some friends, had a few flings and could afford to take-out a hot guy I picked at the bar. Guess what I could get everything my greedy heart desires.

Month before my 22nd birthday, I found out my mom had a breast cancer. We badly needed much money for her operation and therapy. I grew restless and unhappy the day I knew she was suffering without informing. I told Tom about it and he fled back to come with me to my hometown. We visited and he paid some of the expenses. My mom happily survived and because of him, she’s still with us. Together we faced it all. He become a family to my family too. My parents decided to put the family business under my name and Tom invested. We had few renovations at the restaurant and he bought a land of 1 hectare at the farm just for me. Tom not only supported me but also my family. He was a true friend and a companion in life. See of how much he cared for me? 

With gratitude, I took good care of him everyday, made him some nice breakfast and guided him in his simple day to day routine. Whenever he’s out of town, I did some part-time teaching English language and TaeBo classes for Koreans in the island of Mactan. I also never failed to shower him some sweet gifts and letters everyday. Week after I was surprised he came back quickly and proposed. We already talked about it before and though the vast age difference seemed so strange, I loved the company of a good and generous man. He deserved a yes. For just couple months in our relationship, f*cking thousand dollars of hardware well rested on my ring finger.

I remember he told me how he was touched about the music video I made for us. Last christmas he gifted me the latest macbook pro in replaced of my old macbook air. It was a good start for my IT career after spending years of free to near-free labor and hard work building it up. It was also the day I found out I had been offered a job from an IT department of a Filipino owned networking company. They loaned me car, offered me good benefit packages and high-paying salary. Tom was quiet happy for me but I felt he wasn’t entirely sold on the idea. He swore I just needed him to make life easier. Being a housewife got so boring sometimes and that I wanted to do something outside of it. Tom became very emotional and I rarely talked with him. As I am staying out of the drama, things suddenly started to get weird. He said that I supposed to give him a headache and couldn’t sleep at night. He had even reached to a point where he felt like he wanted to have a baby with me. If only i’ll give him a baby he would compromise down the line. It would be a 5 year plan for my love life and career. I came down to some sorts of confusion, wouldn’t speak with him and rather go to bed after work. He was asking something hard for me to give. I knew I wasn’t ready to be a mom infact baby’s cry annoyed the hell out of me, oh I hate that noise. Besides that, I could not imagine to have sex with him, geee… it would be our first time. I got mad. I pursued on the job and terminated the conversation.

One night we argued before I headed out to have some drinks with workmates. He got mad when I wanted to hang out without him saying I was obviously ashamed of him. He knew its not true and that I only wanted to be with friends. But Tom resisted. He acted strange so I turned on my heels on him. When I got back home the next morning, i’d reached Tom waiting for me at the kitchen table the whole night. He looked at me like he wanted to cry. At that time I was fuming and wanted to take a rest. A disappointed Tom started packing up his belongings and said he would leave back to China to get some air. I angrily disappeared on his sight and went to sleep. When I woke up he was gone with a note saying when i’m ready i’ll give him a call. I did not give a shit. At the end of the month, he stopped my paycheque. I never thought that was Tom’s one way of saying I was responsible for everything — the condo rent, the bills, everything in it. That actually hurt. Too soon the money started feeling insufficient. We didn’t speak for months. I become furious and brought myself to online dating site again and met few younger men.

I came to find out being a kept woman was necessarily all it was cracked up to be. You can call me selfish but it seemed to be a hard thing for me. When Tom visited, I had decided to move out taking all my personal belongings. We reconciled with each other and agreed we could still meet as friends for some business reasons. He realised then that I was still young and would not want that chance to be taken away from me. I returned him back the ring, he took charge of the apartment and finally i’d back on my own. Tom was still a good man full of faith and spirit. He made the big impact of my life no one could afford to replace. 

By the time I gave up everything, I met a younger french man and we fell inlove. He supposed to fly me to France after my 23rd birthday but the deadliest typhoon Haiyan (Yolanda) devastated my hometown in Leyte. My visa application was extended and denied when I also stopped my career and started volunteering with a nonprofit media. Tom called and started to worry. He offered some help which I used to run a marathon with the homeless and raised money for a cause. I dedicated myself to the community in helping and strengthening more people. It gives me pleasure to stay more fit and to take care of myself which was one of the good things I learnt from Tom. I never heard anything from him since then. I searched him through net and found his name as one of the multimillionaires of the world. I’m proud to be part of him and that he’s truly missed. I hoped for his safety and happiness in life.